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User blog:THEJJRAT/A Very Long Story II
In editing Father swam to the surface, along with Spider Man, Vader, Batman, and Pyro. "What is that?" Peter asked, glaring at the giant pillar poking out of the sea. "You'll see." The team swam over to it, and got onto the walkway. "Wot the holl m8 I th0 this was goin to be underwater m9". The gang walked up the steps, and pushed open the door. "I like darkness" the room was pitch black, so Bats crouched and disappeared into said blackness. The lights then came on. "big dammit" Batman grumbled. There was another staircase, so the gang went down it. Except for Batman, who glided down. When they got there, there was a large round elevator at the middle of the room. "Where are we going Father?" "I don't know, I'm just acting like I know, but it'll be cool. Probs." The gang stepped inside and Spidey pulled the lever. And then they descended. "We're under water again..." Batman pointed out, as the doors revealed an underwater city. "Holy mother of webs..." Spider Man webbed himself to the door and watched. But, soon, the elevator got out of the sea and went underground, the door opening. Causing the web to break and Spidey to fall. "Ow" They arrived at a seemingly broken down place, as there were leaks everywhere, old posters that were falling off, and rubble lying around. Father picked up a poster from the ground, "Welcome to Rapture". He put it in his pocket. They were in a hallway. "Lets go." Father said, and lead the group. At the end of the hallway was a door, and a bench. The bench had a small stack of cash, and a crowbar. "Hmmm.." Spidey webbed the crowbar, and pretended to be Gordon Freeman. Father took the dollars and pulled out a bill. "Rapture Dollars...Andrew Ryan..." Father gave a dollar to everyone and put the stack in his pocket. "This place was made recently, ain't ancient. Printed cash." Father pulled out his pistol, in case of danger, and opened the door. "What the bloody hell..." "Is that?" Pyrocynical started, Father finishing. "Is that a diver like us? Damn, lay off the Micky Dees son." Batman said. It was a short humanoid in a diving suit, it's body round, with 8 yellow glowing eyes. "It hasn't hurt us yet..." Father said under his breathe. Then, a little girl appeared behind him. "Aw..." "Why is it's skin grey?" She hid behind the diver. Father put his gun back in its holster. "We're friendly." The Big Daddy continued to walk around the room, the little sister following. "So what, defenders? Dads?" "Don't know, but it doesn't hurt us. So don't bother it, I don't feel like fighting tonight." "Hey, why not split up? Let's meet up in the place where the gold is!" Spidey asked. "Seems like a good idea. Bats, you're with web head. Vader, you're with Pyro. I'm going by myself." "Alright." Vader and Pyro started wandering, Batman and Spidey follow the Big Daddy, and Father starts searching for the pot of gold. ___________ Vader was eating stormtrooper rations, while Pyro was shitposting in real life, with markers on the wall. Suddenly, I was getting bored of these two characters so they suddenly teleported back onto the UFO. A Stormtrooper appeared, and a Combine soldier. "Where am I..." the trooper shook his head and looked around. "Accessing Combine databanks....Rapture. We were sent here by Chuck Norris to aid 'Father Pooper'." The Overwatch soldier's radio said. "Designated name: Carl." It said. "k that line was cringe and corny af" The stormtrooper said. "Yes." Carl continued on walking. "Wait up m69" __________ Spider Man was still ceiling crawling, while Batman was struggling to keep up due to his injuries. Suddenly, the Bouncer stops walking. Spider Man dropped to the ground, and saw exactly what the Bouncer say. An ogre. An ogre that looked exactly like the Big Daddy, except without the diving suit. It has one giant onion for a mask. "It is I, Shrekamus! I have taken Shrek hostage, and now, I will take over Rapture! Muahahaha!" "You evil fiend!" Spider Man yelled. Batman grappled onto Shrekamus and attacked him. "WHERES SHREK?!" "You'll never find him, Batman!" "WHERES THE TRIGGER" Batman repeatedly punched Shrekamus in the balls, but to no avail. "DAMMIT!" Batman grabbed Shrekamus and tore him in half. Apparently, it was a robot. "WE NEED TO FIND THE REAL SHREKAMUS AND END THIS MADNESS!" Suddenly, a bunch of ogres jumped out of the darkness and began attacking them. The Big Daddy's eyes became red and starting drilling the ogre scum, while Batman used his fists and Spidey used his webs. __________ "Where's Shrek?!" "I'll never tell you, human scum!" Batman kicked the ogre in the ballsack once more. "SWEAR TO ME!" He threatened to r i p t h e m o f f "Okay, I'll talk! I'll talk! Shrekamus has stored Shrek in Minecraftia, you need to defeat Shrekamus, get the map, and head there yourself..." "Thanks." Batman then broke the ogre's arm and knocked him unconscious. "You heard that fat green Irishman. We need to find Shrekamus." Batman said to Spidey. "Let's do it then." Spidey waved to the Big Daddy, whose eyes were now yellow, and headed off to defeat Shrekamus. Batman and Spider-Man were tearing off papers off the walls to add to the loot pile, along with the occasional dollar bill or pack of cigarettes. Then they found a locked door at the end of the hallway. "Won't open." Spidey said. "Stand back!" Batman punched the door. "AHHHHHHH MY HAND" he then fell on the floor and screamed in excruciating pain, as his hand was shattered into dust, as his hand was nothing but a sack of empty skin. Spidey rolled his eyes and ripped the door off with his webs, revealing a room full of people wielding crowbars with bloody shirts and masks. They were in, what looked like, a strip club with ogres as dancers. "Get them!" An ogre in riot armor screamed and pulled out a shotgun. Spidey webbed the shotgun out of his hand and Batman started beating the crap out of the ogre guards. And the Splicers. "Web face, steal the cash and let's get outta here!" Batman screamed as he was taking out groups of baddies. Spider Man webbed the stacks of cash and web swung into the next door. Apparently, ogres took over Rapture. ________________ "Containment breaches in Sector B, A, and C. Multiple armed men in Sector A." "Who?" "They're SCP, sir." "Kill em all. Then evacuate this site and move everything to Site-B-1." "Yes sir." _______________________ Batman was flailing his entire body around like a Gmod ragdoll, shouting random words like a dumbass and generally being a dumbass. "BATAJANN RJDJJSJSNXNCN" Batman screamed and hit his face on the floor. "Why" "because I'm Batman" Spider Man web shot his mouth. "BMDKSIAJXMFKDIAJSJCNSNIQJSHFJWIODJHFJDKks" Suddenly, John Cena appeared and put the smackdown on Batman. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH ITS JOHNC ENA" "YOU CANT SEE ME" John Cena threw Batman across the room, Batman screaming to the top of his lungs. "DHAIAOSDJWJ" Batman tried to get up and run but John grabbed him and smashed his body onto the floor. "DADADADADADA DA DA DAAAA" Batman threw a batarang at John, but he caught it and stuck the bat shaped batarang up his ass. "MAMA MIA" John Cena grabbed Bats again, and was ready to snap him in half. "LISTEN TO ME SON" said Paul Bearer, who crawled out of the darkness, pointing at Spider-Hoogla, a clone of Spider-Man that just stepped out of the original Spider-Man. He was just created by Paul via the use of black magic. "I'M YOUR DAD" Paul said, John staring at him in fear. "DO ONE THING LAST THING FOR ME, IF YOU NEVER DO ANYTHING ELSE!" Paul screamed, before pointing to John. "DESTROY HIM!" Spider-Hoogla's view snapped to John, who dropped Batman and made a run for it. With lightning fast speeds, Spider-Hoogla tackled John to the ground and dragged him into Hell, John begging for redemption as he entered past the gates of the sinful. "WHAT" Batman coughed blood, and crawled across the floor. "WHY" ________________________ "Elmo has collected 900,000 tiny shiny pebbles! And a chunk of gold, australium, vibranium, and redstone." Elmo shouted as he started carrying bags into the UFO. "Good, good...Hey, this ship won't last another hour unless we unpack our stuff, it's about to explode because of all the weight." Indiana Jones said, typing on the console. "Yeah, let's go to GOLF base and unpack our stuff into the loot room." Lephret said. "Um...GOLF base?" "Bought it on eBay." ______________________________ "Name's T-128. Or Rex. No, wait, it's Bobson. Bobson the stormtrooper." The stormtrooper said, trying to catch up with the Combine soldier. Carl was trying to locate where exactly the gold pot was with his mask. "This place is so large I can't exactly pinpoint where the pot is. They don't make these like they used to..." Carl turned on his night vision, as this part of Rapture was dark. Bobson's mask didn't help him any, however. "What is that..." Carl thought to himself. It was a tall, white, skinny creature, and (sooprise) was SCP-966. ______________________________ Father was looting corpses he found on the floors of Rapture, mostly Splicers. He did find an Alpha series Big Daddy suit, and stuffed it in his backpack. But then, Father hears something behind him.... Souprise ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) BUTT SECKS BUTT SECKS BU-BU-BU-BUTT SECKS BUTT SECKS BUTT SECKS HAHAHAA SECKS BUTT SECKS BUTT SECKS HAHAHAH SECKS __________________________ "I feel that we are getting close to Shrekamus..." Batman whispers to himself. "I can smell vast amounts of onions..." Spider Man said. "Hey, Spider, what's your real name?" "What?" "Come on, it'll be secret! I'm Bruce Wayne!" "I know." "What?" "Remember your secret identity got leaked and you made a bunch of sockpuppets to support said conspiracy theory, while also supporting a bunch of other stupid theories? I'm not stupid, it's pretty obvious considering they were all created in one day." "Oh...." Suddenly, the wall next to them exploded, sending Spidey and Batman into the air (Batman falling to the ground and Spidey used his webs to attach himself to the wall). And out came a man in a diving suit and a Rivet gun. "Is that....A Dwarven robot thing?" Batman asked himself. "No, I'm apart of the Anti-Ogre Resistance. I took this suit when I first woke up here, and now it's permanent." "Oh" "I heard you took out a patrol of ogres. I'm here to help you kill Shrekamus." "k" Spider Man dropped to the floor, and shook the Big Daddy's hand. "Let's get that ogre." __________________________ The 966 swung at Carl, him dodging. Carl pulled out an AR2 and shot it. "What are you shooting?" "It's invisible." Carl picked up the body and carried it with him, as the gun only stunned it. _____________ "Sir, the humans are getting dangerously close to our base." "Send the modified hybrid Pepe Man Meme. We cannot let those human scumbags save Shrek or steal our data." "Sir yes sir." __________________ Spider Man was making a web sculpture, using his permanent webs. Batman was throwing batarangs at a dart board, and Bobbio Joe the Big Daddy was dead because he was a bad character idea. Spider Man was finally done shooting webs. It was a photo realistic statue of himself, but with bigger abs. He decided to leave it there as a landmark, and returned to Batman. "We need to find Shrekamus." "Okay..." Batman put his batarangs away and came with Batman. Suddenly, the wall exploded again and out came a giant Pepe frog armed with an AK-47 and a giant fish stick. "oh gOD" Batman fell to the floor, staring at the sky, his Vietnam war memories triggered. "Aem pEPE 90000" the Pepe screamed and tried to eat Spider Man, him dodging and shooting a web into his mouth, making him explode and turn into a cute anime girl. Batman proceeded to shoot the anime girl in the face. "That was mercy." _____________ Father woke up, in a trash can, his booty having a sharp pain. The trash can fell over, rolling across the floor, causing Father to scream uncontrollably. "JAJJFNFJAQKDJNDA" the can reached a long staircase, and Father proceeded to scream "RONALD MCDONALD AROUSES ME" every thud. Every. Thud. RONALD MCDONALD AROUSES ME RONALD MCDONALD AROUSES ME ronald mcdONALD ARIUSED ME The trash can finally landed, and Father pushed himself out of it with his big black booty. He was missing his arm. "MY ARM AHHHHHHHHHHH" it suddenly grew back. "Ok" Father got up, pulled his pants up, and realized he was knee deep in a pool of gold coins, wet dollar bills, and gold bars. Oh, and the pot of gold. "Finally..." a tear escaped Father's clutches. "After 200 years...Of searching...For YOU!" He pointed at the pot, "I FINALLY FOUND YOU!" He ran towards the pot and hugged it. He then yelled "ALLAHU SNACKBAR" and dived into the river of pure gold. ___________ Batman and Spider Man following Pepe's footprints, they were hot on Shrekamus' tail. "I can hear kawaii anime girls moaning 'Shrekamus' in the distance!" Spider Man screamed. "That sick fiend, actually letting those poor creatures live!" They busted down the door to Shrekamus' castle, Shrekamus sitting on a skinny chair. He then spun. "I have been expecting you, Bruce Wayne and Peter Parker." "How do you know my name?!" Spider Man shouted, throwing his sexy fist into the oxygen nearby. "Google. Anyway, you cannot find the map of Shrek without me!" "I already got it, I used my super cool hacky hack to steal the files. We can just came here to end you." "Dammit." Shrekamus tried to run, his henchman coming forward, but Batman took out his Vulcan minigun and murdered every single one. He was about to shoot the animu grils, but he figured that they could repopulate Rapture and raise non evil ogres so he spared them. Batman hopped on Shrekamus' computer in the middle of room, and starting leaking the entire database to the Batcomputer, the SCP Foundation, his cousin, and the FBI. He then walked over to Shrekamus, barely alive. "You could've lived. You could've been Shrek's apprentice, but no, you betray him and steal his land. You should be ashamed of yourself. Now go to Hell." "No, please-" Batman blew the giant head off the ogre, his head organs flying everywhere. "Let's get out of here, buddy." Batman shook Spidey's hand, and they ran off to the exit. ____________ Father Pooper had filled his pockets with every ounce of treasure in the room, and was making his way back to base. Suddenly, the floor started rumbling. And he heard a roar. "That ain't good...." "All personnel, SCP-682 has breached containment from Shrekamus' grasp. If anyone is in there, please evacuate." Father knew what he had to do. ___________ "Well, the pot ain't here. Let's get out of here." ____________ Spidey and Bats were inches away from the door, but they started hearing hundreds of giant footsteps. "What is that-" Spider Man then encountered Father Pooper and an army of Big Daddies, Bouncers, Rosies, Big Sisters, and even Lancers following him, along with a bunch of Little Sisters. "I love that hypnotize plasmid!" Father shouted, and a Bouncer pushed the door down, the water pouring in (but was stopped by a force field Father set up). The roar got louder. The gang was outside, but there was no UFO. But there was Foundation submarines shooting at 682. "Where the hell is it?!" Father shouted. "It was here last time!" Spider Man shouted, but started to choke because he forgot his fish bowl mask. Suddenly, 682 mouth was falling towards Father. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH-" The creature devoured Father, the gang screaming. To be continued..... Category:Blog posts